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Interesting Reflection: Man Drought Is Fact Of Dating Life

30 August 2008 11 Comments

There are some really good articles floating around in today’s ether on the lack of manliness in all men and the lack of men that possess any of it at all.  As I was reading this article from The New Zealand Herald, it made me contemplate this young woman’s dilema.  The article is titled Man drought is fact of dating life.

Here is an excerpt from that article:

Young, gorgeous, successful – and single. For Christine Kitching, 24, Auckland’s “man drought,” is not a vague concept, but a reality.

The high-flying Air New Zealand Fashion Week administrator told the Herald on Sunday single men were hard to find in the City of Sails – “they’re either gay or married.”

Unfortunately, the remaining bachelor pool presented what Kitching denounced as a “very limited selection”.

Successful and ambitious Kiwi women looking for a love match were hard-pressed to find “manly men” said Kitching.

“It’s a running joke among my single friends, the man-drought.”

One of the main problems with available men she’d met was that they were easily “intimidated” by strong, career-driven women.

“I don’t put up with crap,” she said. “But the men in Auckland are too soft. They are all so ’emo’.

“I haven’t yet found a really rugged man who is not going to spend more time in the bathroom than I do, or use my hair straighteners.”

This article is one of hundreds that come across my desk on a weekly basis.  A recent book called “The Retrosexual Manual” by David Beasley, an Australian nonetheless, explores this topic of men returning to manliness.  It was featured in many articles, but this one from the LA Times did it best when they tied it into the amazing TV show, Mad Men.  (check my take on this manliest of shows)

We are witnessing a (relatively) silent revolution back to manliness.  For years, being called a Metrosexual meant fighting words for many men.  Then, subtly, things changed.  Men began embracing their feminine side.  Spending tons of time in the bathroom, getting haircuts every couple of weeks, manicures, pedicures (holy crap!) and all kinds of other acts to push us men further towards a unisex mentality.

By the late 90’s, the man’s man and old-timing manliness was dead.  Now, it’s rearing its stubbly, Old-Spice smelling head back to mainstream.  And people are talking about it.

This silent mutiny is one that everyone wants – men and women both.  Metrosexuals, in my opinion, were a fabrication of the consumer society that existed here in America for the last 30 years.  Attitudes shifted from manliness and being men to the effiminate male in constant search for his softer side.

Nobody really to blame.  Women liked it as they were gaining the respect and admiration they deserved for so long.  Men liked it because it gave them permission to do certain things.  Men also thought this was exactly what women wanted.

What Women Want

And here we are, at the epicenter of the debate.  Men succumbed to metrosexual tendencies in the attempt to figure out what women really want from their men.  In reality, at first men only cared about getting laid and gaining more power.  Then it took over what was normal for being a man.

My Dad said it best.  “Kevin, I love women.  I love everything about them.  But don’t think for one second, ever, that you know what women are thinking.”  So, if Dad was right, why are men trying so hard to figure it out?

We do so because the women in our lives (and the kind of women we want in our lives in the future) is so important to us men.  We love our women and want to do them right, but men, in general, have gone too far in this quest.  The overthinking of this timeless puzzle has pushed men to do things that are not terribly natural to them.

So, here we are.  The great experiment which is metrosexuality has failed.  Men, and women, are not happy with the present state of affairs.  Yes, we have evolved to be more sensitive and thoughtful to equality and respect.  That is a step in the right direction.  But the idea of men acting more womanlike in order to relate with them on a level to figure out what they are thinking – that idea is under attack and many people, including the young Ms. Kitching, will welcome the Return To Manliness.


  • Returning to Manliness – The Civilized Life said:

    […] Return to Manliness blog has a good article about the relatively silent ‘manliness’ revolution.  Turns out […]

  • Hayden Tompkins said:

    I will always always be grateful to the metrosexual movement. Yes, guys, you need to shower, change your underwear everyday, don’t wear the same pair of pants for two weeks, and for crissake trim your nails!

    [shudder] Clearly I have met some grody guys. One guy didn’t even brush his teeth regularly but figured chewing gum everyday was ‘good enough’. BLECH.

    So I am not opposed to men having dipped their toe in the metrosexual pool. As long as guys can maintain some standards of personal hygiene on the return to manliness, I’ll be happy.

    Hayden Tompkinss last blog post..What the heck is in your sidebar?

  • Virilitas said:

    There is a general effeminacy among men in many western societies, today. Let’s look at the whole picture, though: there are also many pushy, obnoxious, and unfeminine women who would benefit from examining their lives to see why they can only attract undesirable men.

  • Kevin (author) said:

    Hayden…that’s so funny. I agree. (sigh) Slobs are slobs. Men should be concerned about their appearance. It’s the whole package, right?

    Virilitas – excellent point. The law of attraction is always at work.

  • Jeff said:

    After reading your post, I had a conversation with my wife about this. She had some interesting things to say, and I’ve tried to balance your points and hers in this post:


    After writing it, I went to Wikipedia and found that the entry on metrosexuality has, uh, “major issues” as they say. It seems to be a bit of a battleground. I’d be interested to hear how your views contrast with this Mark Simpson guy’s, if you’re willing to write more about it, Kevin.

    My wife has also pointed out that metrosexuality gave short guys and less-muscular guys a new playing field, a chance to compete socially against the naturally big muscular men. For them it was an alternative to Short Man Syndrome.

  • Kevin (author) said:

    Thanks for your thoughts and your post brings up some good points. Just like everything else in this life, there is something to be learned from metrosexuality and its ideas. I don’t believe in changing or altering your behavior based on a certain philosophy, however.

    Give people respect. Love your family. Treat people how you want to be treated. Everything else is an individual choice.

    It’s my opinion, that the metrosexual is stepping away from manliness and retrosexual is moving closer towards it. But that is only my belief and opinion. I never want to argue what is manliness and what is not, if the other person defines it differently from me. I just like to express my opinions on it and have a great conversation.

    I find some of the other sites on the subject of manliness somewhat troubling at times when they try to impose their beliefs on others and claim someone has no clue on the subject if they don’t agree with popular thought.

    Metrosexuality is a great example of that. Your thoughts on the shorter guy and less muscular guy are great examples and are so spot on. No less manly, no less masculine – just a different viewpoint and that is great!

    Thanks again and hope you enjoy the site.

  • Mak said:

    You nailed it. I think this metrosexual bullshit is all due to stupid companies pushing girly crap on us.

    Some key offenders:
    -Shaving companies who are now pushing the idea of shaving EVERYWHERE. Yes thats right, they want you to buy more of their shaving cream so you can keep hair off of every part of your body. Fuck that!

    -Body wash companies who try to sell us the idea that if we use their products then women will come swarming to us. Yes i’m sure my choice of soap really turns women on.

    Do women really want us acting like a bunch of pansy p-whipped losers? I dont think so, and who really cares what they want.
    .-= Mak´s last blog ..Prison workout – strength training without weights =-.

  • Shf84 said:

    This woman’s problem is she is a “girly girl” who want’s her daddy to take care of her etc. She doesn’t want a man she wants a man who is brainwashed into following some dehumanizing gender role. I hear Jessy James is available.

  • Shf84 said:

    The whole metrosexual thing is just men trying to reclaim the humanity that was striped away from them by degrading gender roles. Men were pushed into a box and forced to behave a certain way. No one should ever be asked to behave a certain way or dress a certain way or do a certain job because of there sex. The idea is asinine it ignores our minds and personalitys , what makes us human in favor of the shape of our bodies. I can’t imagine much that is more outrageous and evil than that.

  • portable grill reviews said:

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  • Casual Observer said:

    call it ‘metrosexuality’ if you must give it a label. but it feels more like a societal shift. some mention it as a western trend, so does this mean there are more ‘manly’ men in the east? i don’t have exact stats, but you will also find that sperm counts have also been dropping. the family unit doesn’t hold the same integrity anymore, and divorce rates continue to climb. blame feminism? blame liberalism? blame political correctness? call it what you will… but it seems men and women are trading their traditional roles. and what you are witnessing is the dysfunctional impact on humanity. a disconnect between the sexes.

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